It's so hot this week that I'm totally in summer outfit already!
On a side note, wearing my fave pink and red as mood booster!
I broke down yesterday thinking of the current situation
The world’s? That definitely affects me
At first I thought this “lockdown” no traveling allowed no going out stuff don’t really matter
I mean I’m studying in Tokyo so no matter what I’ll b here till next year
I’m also having my spring holiday so no school till late April is ok nothing new
Until I think about my family back in Indonesia
What made me sad the first was my nanny unable to go back to her hometown for once in a year gathering
Ok that one I can’t help it
I mean stopping the virus to spread is still should be everyone’s main goal
But then I thought of my parents
They are definitely affected economically
I can’t write too much private matter but I’m sure people who know will know
My hometown is small anyway
I cried
Not first in 2020, as I cried in front of my partner before talking about how I’m thankful that one of my bff is alive
But yesterday night I cried thinking about how useless I am
Ok, I should be super grateful
This will sound so smugly but this is the truth
I’m living in Japan
I have place to stay, enough food to eat
super loving family, partner and friend
Even stuff to do
My parents let me do what I wanna do; they don’t rush me with my pages, they support my hobby
But I’m fucking 25 this year
Can I make my own money? No
Can I waste my parent’s money? Yes
Do I have anything that is not from then? No
Can I do filial piety? No
Then I think about how horrible this virus is
Ok may be it’s good to make me realize that I should be grateful
But no it’s no good
When money is not spent, everyone is just affected..
Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal
No offense
But I needed to keep on telling myself; I am OK..
Sadly not indonesia but by spending money I’m also helping the economy as a citizen?
Sometime I wonder
I’m not famous famous
But is it ok to show some darkness?
I still adore and wanna be idol who is everyone’s sunshine and smile all the time since I also love me the most when I’m smiling!
But this is more like a self note, self reminder, that I experienced a period called as ‘coronavirus’
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