9 June 2020

SuG's Teenage Dream
and
SuG's KiraKira

the last 2 days made me think..
not really a lot but may be, I'm too fast at making decision?

1 year being in a Japanese school
1 year being in Seiyuu course
1 year being in a course where even Japanese have hard time with
Intonation, Accent

If it's possible, I wanna do something (work, job) with my voice
But, I need visa
I'm so lucky that bowl of rice is not my main focus
But still, visa

Did I make mistake during the last one year?
I did learn though
I found out that i really enjoy doing something with music; I loved my voice training (singing), ballet and dance lessons
Relaxation class thought me how to fix my soft? voice; having a relaxed body.
not a tensed one.
Drama reading made me determined that I'm not into voicing anime character;
I wanna do announcement.
I wanna do story reading.
I wanna do narration.

Second semester; I did more of what I liked.
Before knowing, I was entering my comfort zone
2 singing lessons, 1 dance (ballet)
plus radio personality lesson
I loved my radio lesson a lot
unexpectedly, a 4 days only Gospel class made me realize how singing freely is a big joy.
without thinking of who we are.
No offence, whether you are a Christian or not doesn't matter here.
It opened up my voice.
but I couldn't fix my flaws; intonation and accent

Earlier this year, I pretty much gave up my 'entering entertainment industry in Japan' dream
I'm a very selfish and lazy being
It's not like I don't want to improve my Japanese as I love Japanese a lot
but I don't wanna give up my English and other languages
I want to be active in more than in Japanese

Perhaps, being a teacher is the easiest
I don't hate being a teacher
I love teachers
Since I know not little, I really don't hate sharing too
But.. 
I think it's the easiest escape for me

I am enjoying my part time job as an English teacher
I love my boss
I love my kid
I was super happy when my boss praised me
Perhaps, that's how I should be

But the last 2 days, shook my heart
I decided to pick up paper play lesson, as it's the most recommended lesson by our seniors
we were being asked to do self introduction
the teacher did give a tip that saying what we love or what we excel in is super important
i know that a lot
that's what i did during my first audition in the school
and so i did say the 5 languages i can comprehend
(in reality it's like 4? English, Indonesian, Japanese, 1/2 Chinese & 1/2 Thai? 😂)
of course the input of 'it'll be good if you have more native level Japanese'
but i was told, 'you definitely have a chance in the entertainment industry; not everyone can speak 5 languages'

today, I pretty much did the same
but this time, i was praised for my bright and energetic introduction
'you have the potential to be a talent'

back to yesterday, i'm the only second year student for another class
i'm super determined to show my junior that I am slightly better
i don't mean to be proud since i only have style? aura?
but i was super happy when i was praised
may be i had inferiority complex last year?

i've always been in the quiet and observing side
my part time job does take a part though
there's this one day when i had gathering with my girl friends
i respect and love them a lot
but at that time, our "leader" was busy
I was quite outraged that everyone else was dilly dally
Then I told myself,
'V, you are going to be a teacher from now.
You are to teach, to instruct.
Learn how to lead,'
that's what I changed in me

In school, now i've decided to sit in front
partly is it's easier to listen, see and focus
(I do get sleepy now and then 😂)
but i really think it's for my own good
whether i want to be in the entertainment industry or in coaching,
it's important to be the first to raise your hand
I can't forever keep on holding back, right?

TBH, the lessons I chose this time, I also consider them for teaching
Paper play, education basic, basic Japanese conversation are obvious
But basic acting workshop, CM practice, radio drama, MC practice, female talent practice
Sad that I can't get in some since main barrier now is limited number of student due to social distancing
But I really wanna learn more on how to get what I wanna say to reach people, how to be more lively and how to lead?
Since I've pretty much given up on the Japanese intonation and accent, I really wanna learn on more of the attitude that I can express in real (adult) working world
moreover, since now mask is pretty much a need everywhere, I wanna be able to portray my feeling even better since half of my face (everyone's expression to be exact) is gone
I think in a way during first year, i've pretty much learned to open up my voice and free myself more already..

Again, whatever my future will be, I gotta make use and get everything I can before I graduate
Before entering to second year, students are allowed to choose who do they want to be their professor
But for those who are pretty much determined of not entering entertainment industry, there's also a choice of just being a media content creator
I could've go the easy way and pick that one
But there's the small spark? whisper in my heart that reminded me that I'm now in Japan, in that school to study Seiyuu art
Whether i'll become one or not in the future, that's now for me to decide now without trying my best
thus I'm truly grateful of my choice
Whether I'll become a seiyuu, or just a talent, or just a teacher, the fact that I love my voice and smile don't change
moreover, i can never deny the fact that i love singing, dancing, performing, talking in front of people
I'm a narcissist

May be i have the doubt in my heart because somewhat, I feel that only the lessons I pick up now are what preparing me to enter the industry
There are more lessons on 'how to do self introduction and self promotion'
While before are truly just improving what I think is my skill because I enjoy doing
Or may be I'm just over conscious since school also focus more on debut chance and preparation for second year students
but yea, unexpectedly i guess i need to give my goal? my future more thoughts.