June 16 2020

“For Japanese, I’ll be more strict, expecting proper way of talking. But for international student, your energetic working hard skill is more important,”

My teacher said on a Tuesday, 16 June

Last Saturday, I attended my school’s international student orientation

Idk whether it’s because of the raining whole day weather or not but it was depressing

Because we were being told about the future; how to extend our visa

Performer visa, most probably our dream visa when we entered the school is available only if we can show that without money from our country (aka parents) or part time job, just being a performer, we can feed ourself

Spouse visa? Student visa? As it is

Business owner visa? We’d need 50k USD

Special activity visa? We’d need to report to school every single action we do

Most probably our only choice; job visa

I’m not even really sure what do I want write lol

But what my teacher said earlier today encouraged me

She teaches voice articulation

More than how to project our voice? She teaches how to sound natural, aka correct Japanese

It’s more than accent and intonation

It’s about mouth shape and tongue?

I’ve been kinda afraid to this teacher

More like complex?

Because no matter how I read, I will always have a flaw

She is pretty strict

But idk now I find her an ideal teacher

I just came to respect her

She likes to say, ‘you are in school. It’s obvious that you fail. Because you are learning,’

That’s what she told us, first year students, when none of us excelled during audition

And today, she praised one of the 3 international students in my class

Because he sounded bright

She likes it

The more I came to adore her

I’m honestly still afraid of her

But idk, I just feel like she’s a teacher that I can show my true self to

She’s not my direct instructor so there’s definitely still going to be some gap but she is an encouragement

Give your heart, and all of you to what you do

I think only when cosplay I really do that lol

Or when dating? 😂 

But as I kinda mentioned in my last reflection post; I wanna give my all during my last year in this school

I can only think of three reasons for not giving my best; I’m forever afraid since I always feel that my friends are superior. Being the only child, growing up with so much pampering, I’ve  never really need to give my best; there’s always leeway. I’m afraid that what I’ll get is not equivalent to my best.

I gotta change. Because I may miss chance and timing by just being afraid.

Even for my SNS, it’s fine to be who I am, to do stuff based on my mood, based on my timing

But still the main is, give my all

And of course, to be energetic!

Because to start with, my smile is one of the things I love in this world :)